Pregnancy Know-It-Alls

I am guessing that every pregnant woman comes a across a few of these over the term of her pregnancy: know-it-alls. And when I say know-it-alls, I mean people who think they know it all and want you to take ALL their advice, or those who pretend to know it all but just want to criticize your way of doing things.

So far, I have been criticized for everything from baby names, to eating one donut—ONE DONUT—to how big my belly is/should be, to exercise, to my fatigue. Even when I don't ask for advice, I get it. I even get those deadly stares when asked whether or not I would breastfeed. Lol!

But it is to be expected, right?

Unfortunately, you can't change others, but you can alter your way of handling somewhat rude comments. The tactic I use is the classic smile-and-nod :). And sometimes, if you really push me, I will speak my mind, but this is only if this isn't your first offence.

Here are some reasons you may get unwanted advice:

1. Your Diet
The donut incident. My sweet coworker had bought a dozen +Tim Hortons donuts for our office. Of course, I want to keep a close-enough eye on what I eat, so I only had one—my first #donut since before I got pregnant. It was the +Hershey's Reese's Pieces one that stole my heart with its custard filling.

Anyway, as I was taking a bite, a senior coworker took a look at me, came over and said, "those things are filled with sugar... Not the best for your baby when you're pregnant. When I was pregnant, I only had healthy foods and ate fruits and vegetables alllll the time." By this point, she had made several critical comments, almost every day, so I had enough of the pep talk. My diplomatic response went something like, "Well you know what, I eat healthy all the time thanks to the healthy lunches my husband packs and the dinners I make at home. If I want to have one donut, I won't think twice about it." All that with a smile on my face! Boy did that put a nice end to our conversation!

Lesson: No matter what you are told about the things you eat, remember to stay head strong. As long as you are doing your best to consume whole, healthy foods most of the time, a little slip up or treat here and there won't hurt. I read somewhere that during pregnancy, you only need an extra 300 calories per day; however, if you are having a boy, you sometimes need to consume up to 500 calories per day.

2. Your Belly Shape and Size
At about 17 weeks, I came in to work work a beautiful high-waisted +Zara skirt, thinking I was looking pretty darn sharp. This was two weeks after I had announced my pregnancy to my coworkers. One of them looked at my belly, asked how far along I was and said (pretty loudly), "Holy! You have a big belly for 17 weeks! That baby is going to be huge!" I was so shocked that I didn't know how to respond to that nor did I know how to take it. So I just gave a quick smile and continued my work.

And about two weeks ago when I was 21 weeks (~5 months pregnant) I went in to The Bay to buy some baby clothes as a congratulations for my cousin's newborn. When I got to the cash, the cashier was cute and young—16-years old. She asked me how far along I was to which I replied "5 months" and her eyes got wide. She thought I was 7 months preggo! I knew she was young, so I gave her a brief explanation of approximately how big the baby is at this point, how things work, etc. She seemed interested! So it was a win for me, as I didn't feel as bad about my ever-changing body, and it was a win for her because she got to learn something new.

Lesson: Don't freak out when people make comments about your belly. You will always hear different opinions, good, bad, whatever. Either these people don't remember how big they were at a certain point in their pregnancy or their instinctual reaction is the first thing that reaches their lips before they have the chance to reflect. Either way, remember that every bump is different and you have a miracle growing inside of you. Who cares what others think of your cute baby bump?!

3. Baby Names
When my husband and I finally agreed to name our baby boy "Lukas", we decided we would tell our families so they could associate a little name to his ultrasounds and start getting excited for a grandson/nephew. But to our surprise, my mother hated it and made fun of it each time she saw us, even when we shared the name with aunts and uncles. That, however, still wasn't enough to shake us to the point of even considering another name. Besides, it wasn't just a name that we simply liked—we loved that name and saw it fitting in with our little family. So we resisted, resisted and resisted until finally it grew on her. And now, everyone likes the name!

Lesson: No matter what name you choose for your baby, you will always have at least one person, or a few people, who will either: hate it, make fun of it, question it or just plain insult it. Whatever the case, just remember that you will never have the ability to please everyone, especially concerning something so personal. If their opinion hurts you, talk to them about it. We sometimes don't realize how deeply our comments can affect others, and with a new family member on the way, many close relatives often feel as though they somehow own part of the baby... 

According to my personal observations, it's all part of the way our families express their excitement. As long as you can identify their motif, try to not overthink things, but do show that there are boundaries and that they are being crossed. All you can do is be firm (but polite... this is your family after all) and put your foot down. Then eventually, acceptance will kick in. :)

4. Activity Level
Ever since I started telling people I was pregnant, I was frequently advised to lay off the exercise... Any type of exercise. Even to the point where I was told not to dance by an elderly man when I went to a wedding a few weeks ago.His reasoning was that I had lost my first baby due to my own irresponsibility and that I should prevent it from happening again by sitting down. I completely ignored him though, because I was feeling good and saw and felt not reason to abstain from it. 

Another time, I was given "special treatment" because I was assigned to a position at work that allowed me to sit all day. One of my older coworkers came and carelessly asked me if everything was alright (she just likes to know things, she doesn't ask because she cares), and I told her my back hurt when I stood for too long. Now, being the know-it-all that she is, she said it was because of all the exercise I was doing and that I should take better care of myself. I kind of wanted to knock her out lol, just because I know I haven't been going hard at the gym.

Lesson: Only you know your body, your limits, and as long as you have the okay from your doctor to do certain activities and aren't on bed rest, remember that you're not DEAD. You can't put your complete life on hold just because someone tells you to. Although people's intentions are generally good, you will drive yourself insane if you try to listen to everyone.

Moral of all of this, being a new mom means being your own person, instilling your own beliefs into your children and making executive decisions with your partner. Ultimately, only you will know what suits them best and what works best for your family. Good luck!

Have any interesting stories you want to take off your chest? I really want to hear them!!

THANKS!

-Alesia D.